If I had a dollar for every time I have been told no in my life I would be a wealthy woman.
A Lifetime Of Noes
No, you are too young, no you are too old, no you are too thin, no you are too fat, no you don't have enough education, no you have too much education, no that is just for boys or men, and just plain no.
How many times are women beat down by that word, by that rejection?
I wasn't sure what I was going to write about this week. In fact, to be honest with you I have been so discouraged the past couple of weeks that I have thought about just giving up on my blog.
I have put so much work into it and done everything I have been told to increase my readership and none of it has worked. Without readership, my ad income is really low and I don't make money off of my affiliate links because almost no one is buying through them.
That little voice in my head, the voice of all the noes I have heard in my life was telling me to quit. It was once again telling me no I can't be successful.
I debated whether to talk about this, but then something happened when I was walking a few days ago. A little girl, possibly two years old, was climbing up on a stone wall so she could walk on top of it.
Her father didn't rush over and tell her no, he walked over, took her hand, and walked with her. She looked up at me, smiled, and said hi. I said hi back and said you are a fearless girl.
Females aren't born feeling powerless we are knocked down by society telling us no.
It's Time To Take Back Your Power
When I was in my forties I finished my undergraduate degree and went on to three years in graduate school. My field of study was counseling psychology with an emphasis on women's issues.
When I completed my studies the only job I could find paid me $27,000. The man with the same job who was hired a year before me was paid $33,000. When I approached the powers that be I was told I could do nothing about it. It was another no.
Somehow I lost what I found in graduate school, but now I know it is time to take back my power.
Put Yourself First
Women are nurturers and as nurturers, we tend to put everyone else before ourselves. This is something that we are socialized to do, and this constant act of putting others first is not only exhausting, it erodes our inner self.
I am here to tell you that you need to put yourself first. I'm not talking about abandoning your children, although they need to see you modeling behavior of self-worth, I am talking about all of those people who make you feel that their needs are more important.
Take time for yourself. Do activities that you love. Find your self-confidence again. You don't need others to validate you.
Learn The Power Of Positive Thinking
I believe that all of those noes have prepared us to think negatively in order to prepare ourselves for the worst. What, if instead, we started to think positively. Wouldn't we be better prepared to think in more creative ways to be successful?
When I find myself overwhelmed with negative thoughts I pull out my copy of this book by Wayne Dyer. I can't begin to tell you how many times it has turned my thoughts around.
Honor Yourself
We live in a society where we are bombarded constantly with images of what society deems as the perfect woman. This perspective comes from the male gaze. It objectifies women and makes us feel that we are somehow less than because we can never live up to that perfect woman.
We must all learn to love who we are as individuals and know that we are perfect just as we are. We can only take back our power by loving ourselves and using our own gifts, and yes, we each have gifts.
I am writing something positive about myself each day. When I have a negative thought I turn it into a positive one and write it down.
I am starting this Year Of Self Care Journal because I believe that focusing on positivity and taking care of myself will help me not only reclaim my power but also to find more fulfillment in the things that I do.
Do you feel powerful? If not what are you doing to help yourself reclaim your power?
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This is such a good topic for all of us, at any age. I had more problems with this in years past but I still have issues that crop up. I still hike alone pretty often but I don't usually mention it on my blog any more because of all of the negative comments. I mean...I still think that it's more dangerous to be in the parking lot of a big store than out in the forest. Does it scare me a little? Of course it does, but I think it's good for my self confidence. I'm good to myself these days but it helps that I have a sweet husband that supports me (and that I have on speed dial! lol) Thanks for sharing this. One of my pet peeves is to be at a park walking with lots of people and mothers tell their little kids not to run...slow down, watch out...stop! I mean really...aren't you out there to turn them loose and let them run? Hugs and thanks again!
ReplyDeleteI guess I am not on the self-care bandwagon...or the power, self-confidence, ect wagon.
ReplyDeleteI've found to be confident & happy I need to think about myself less. I'm not saying to think less of myself....I am saying to think of myself less. In any circumstance, I try to choose not to think of myself at all but to look for ways to help others more. Don't we all love being around someone who is so confident they never consider themselves first? They always put others at ease & make them feel welcome, wanted, needed, ect.
I don't need to feel powerful. I want to feel healthy, yes....physically & mentally strong but looking at all the ways I am 'beat down' does not accomplish that for me. Every human, man or woman, has obstacles. We each choose how we react to the difficult things. Comparing our own obstacles to someone else's accomplishes nothing but discouragement.
Being content is a choice. We all get discouraged but to me...choosing to be the best person in how I treat others is much more important to me than a number on a paycheck. Giving sacrificially has given me much more confidence than fighting to be more than or of anything.
Keep on going, Laura, I know blogging can be so frustrating, but I really enjoy your posts.
ReplyDeleteI know I've always been the type to cave to others. It's an old habit that is hard to break. If I dissent and someone has the opposite view, I will sometimes try to curl myself around their view so as not to make them angry. Bad habit on my part, good post.
ReplyDeleteBrenda
Great post Laura. I think with ads and blogging you would have had to get on that band wagon awhile ago when the bigger ad companies were taking on so many. Now they are finding it not as profitable for them so they are very picky about who they take. I far exceed the criteria for a lot of the big paying ad companies but they just do not want to take on as many new blogs. Not too long ago I talked to an agent at a big ad media company and she was totally honest and said this is fading of them taking on so many new blogs and it is not as profitable as they pay out each month. With that said I wonder how long bloggers will be making large amounts of income off their blogs. What about doing something in your field that you worked hard to get. Online therapy has been a new and growing field. You can work from home and maybe help women with issues through the internet. They make good money and it is part to full time. Just an idea of how to make more money with what you worked hard to accomplish with your education. Keep on blogging friend. Love your posts. xoxo Kris
ReplyDeleteI am a huge fan of Wayne Dyer's. I had to laugh at the paragraph about the word NO. I think my new puppy thinks that NO is actually her name, I say it so often. Have a wonderful weekend, dear Laura.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, Laura. I spent 32 years in the corporate world, and I'm all too familiar with NO. It took me a long time to find my power, and boy, did it feel good when I did. Of course, I still have many moments of self-doubt, and sometimes I can pull myself back up, and other times, I need the support of others. Don't we all? I hope you do keep blogging, as I really enjoy your posts.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and a good reminder to all women to reassess their negative habits.
ReplyDeleteI hope your shop - selling collectables and antiques is going well. I enjoy reading your posts but sadly can't support your affiliate links.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered writing a newspaper column? Is that a possibility? You have ideas and the words to put them into.