Yesterday was a day of rest for me. I had nothing planned and nowhere I needed to go so I took the day to relax and contemplate some things that are going on in my life.
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I meditated, read, and ate foods that didn't require much preparation.
Something had been bothering me for several days. If you read my blog you know that I am taking water aerobics classes three times a week. I really enjoy it. I feel healthier in mind and body and I have started to make some new friends.
Making new friends can be difficult as we age, but the class is made up of primarily older women so it's been a nice place to talk to new people.
However, with that being said I am having a problem with one of the women. She seemed very nice and already had other friends in the class. She told me about a national organization for women over 50 called The Transition Network (TNN), and suggested I might want to join. I researched it and I think it is definitely something I am interested in. She also loaned me a book by one of her favorite authors.
The problem arose this last week when I noticed that she was saying negative things to me, about me, and saying them in front of other women. I noticed that other women in the room were giving us strange looks. I found myself trying to defend myself when I had nothing to defend myself for.
I also noticed that she made some veiled bigoted comments, which I have no tolerance for.
I found it all upsetting, so yesterday on my day of rest, as I meditated and cleared my mind I thought about what I should do. At first I thought about going elsewhere to do water aerobics, but then I thought that was ridiculous. I am very comfortable where I am going. Why should I disrupt my life that way.
I am not in middle school and I have no room in my life for mean girls, so what I plan to do is try to distance myself from her and if she says something mean or cutting to me I will deflect her and move on to something else.
Life is too short to allow others to stress us out. I know for me, a sense of peace and tranquility is more important than ever.
Ma mean girls are the worst. Mean grown women even worse. I had no patience and time for it in high school and even less time as an adult.
ReplyDeleteBravo for not letting her chase you away. You be happy and that will bug her more.
Cindy
Laura, I am so sorry that this new friend is kind of mean. You have the right attitude...distance yourself from her. When she says negative things, says something like, "So sorry you think this about me, I do try to present myself in such a way or manner. " Then walk off. Some others will side with her out of friendship..if that's friendship they want, and other will not. My daughter has a hard time making good lasting friends as she ages too. She's not into the party scenes or bad mouthing others. She hates talking politics. She loves crafting, hiking, art, and trying different foods. Being her mom, I always pray for her to find a true good friend. Oh she also just relocated a little over a year ago. Blessings to you, xoxo, Susie
ReplyDeleteWow Susie, I would love to be friends with your daughter. She sounds like my kind of person. Actually she sounds like someone the world could use right about now.
DeleteHi Laura,
ReplyDeleteYou almost have to feel sorry for someone like this new friend. She probably has such a low self esteem about herself that she has to point out negative things about others to make herself feel better. It is good you have the mind set to now let her mean and negative attitude become an issue for you. You made the move to be near family and to be happier in your life and it seems like this has been the course for you. So this broken person does not need to be part of your new journey in life. I agree with you to try to distance yourself and hopefully she will get the hint. If not you may just have to come out and tell her you have not room in your life for someone that is negative and hurtful. I hope things improve with this women. Have a good start to the new week.
Hugs,
Kris
that should have said : It is good you have the mind set to not let her mean and negative attitude become an issue for you. Not NOW should have been NOT!
ReplyDeleteOh Laura. I am with you 1000 percent. There is just NO ROOM in our lives for toxic relationships. Nope. Life is wayyyyyy too short. For me, I am in the latter part of my life and I RUN from toxic relationships, whether it is among friends, or in classes, or even in family. Just swim on the opposite side of the pool from the meanie. If you come face-to-face with her in the locker room, smile at her, gather your things, and bolt. People like that don't know what to do when you greet them with a smile. It's like the Bible says-----a burning coal on their heads. You have created a new and wonderful life there, close to people you love. Don't let that pool person put a damper on your new life. She is just a sad cookie. Susan
ReplyDeleteDoes she have friends in the class or do they just tolerate her? If she is like this with you this is probably her standard pattern.
ReplyDeleteYou have found your little haven there with your daughters and grandchildren nearby. The problem, as you know, is with this woman. Don't let her ruin your wonderful experience there. If anyone needs to go, it is her.
ReplyDeleteBrenda
You are so smart and brave to do this.. and know that you will probably have to confront her or tell her how you feel. You are lucky she is just someone you have run across in life, and not a family member or someone you have to be around alot! Good luck and let us know how it goes. That's such a good idea to have at least a day a week to just "be" and relax and contemplate and meditate. I've been trying to do that more, as I always seem to make myself so "busy" when there is no need to be. Some days I just wake up stressed for some reason, and that is probably the day I need to just "chill" and calm down and figure out what is causing it. Take care and enjoy those water classes! Marilyn
ReplyDelete