I can remember that I wanted to be a ballerina, and for awhile I thought that was a possibility. At age nine I danced in my city's ballet company.
I loved being a part of that, but then that summer we moved to a small town in Canada and although I was able to keep dancing it wasn't the same. Later, I found that I had an inner ear problem that stopped me from doing the turns. Being a ballerina wasn't going to work out for me.
In my teens I thought that I wanted to be a forensic psychiatrist. Not sure why, but it just sounded interesting. Life got in the way, but in my forties I did go back to school and earned a masters degree in counseling psychology. By that time I had no interest in the forensic part.
I always wanted to get married and have two daughters. I dreamed of the perfect husband who I would spend the rest of my life with, who would share my love for my daughters.
I got married and had the two daughters, but unfortunately I didn't count on my husband having a serious mental illness. I didn't plan on all of the heartbreak or that I would end up raising those two girls myself.
I wasn't prepared.
I became a grownup, but did I ever really completely grow up. There are times when I don't feel grown up and other times when I don't want to be a grownup.
There have been so many times when life's burdens seem to be overwhelming and I wish I could retreat back into those days of dreaming, but that isn't possible.
As I think about the remaining years of my life I wonder what I really want to do with them. I am on my own. It isn't a place that I thought I would be. I am financially challenged. It isn't how I thought things would be.
So these days I think about what I want to do with the rest of these grownup years.
Maybe, when we get to a certain age we don't have to be quite so grownup. Maybe we can revert just a little bit back to those carefree days of our youth.
Maybe we don't have to worry so much about what the future holds, but instead focus on today.
Sounds good to me.
My life has had some detours and path changes but I'm still on a journey!
ReplyDeleteThis Third Age is an interesting time, when the goal posts have moved. Even the whole field has changed. The one day plans change as the decades pass.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I think as youngsters we all have dreams. I called some pure fantasy, like traveling the world without a care. Then I had down to earth dreams, getting a better education and better job. Those things worked out after I married at 16 and had four daughters. They are my rewards for staying put in our small town. :) Blessings to you Laura, it's okay to be a bit of a kid again. xoxo, Susie
ReplyDeleteI find that it is sometimes difficult to figure out what to do next! I am divorced and working full time and time flies by so quickly - I don't always feel as if I am controlling my life but that my life is controlling me! There are things I want to do but I cannot figure out how or when to do them! and time goes by and I worry about regretting what I never got around to doing! Thanks for bringing up this topic, Laura, it helps to talk about it!
ReplyDeleteGood Morning Laura. I think we should all keep that little child part of us and never let it lose it's curiosity or compassion to try new things in life. If we can embrace that part of us, I think it will lead us to knowing what makes us happy. Bravo to you for being able to raise two girls all by yourself. Being a parent is so challenging and to have to do it alone must have been hard. I bet your daughters are so appreciative that they had a mom that was present and made up for the fact they did not have a dad in their lives. Life is ever changing and so are we. We put everyone else before our needs especially our kids so we lose out sometimes on what we really want in life. Sounds like you sacrificed for your girls. Now that they are grown and are carving out their own lives you can now have thoughts on what is next for you. Gosh I sound like an arm chair psychologist lol! Have a great Sunday.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Kris
Life seems to challenge me often. One thing I have learned over the years is I have to look at the glass half full instead of empty.
ReplyDeleteMS has been a challenge but my new drug is doing amazing things for me that I never thought would happen. I will never take the things I can do again for granted.
I still get challenges with other things but I will always fight and try to come out on top
Raising two girls had to be a challenge but look at the women they are today. You did that alone and look at the wonderful women they are and that's because of you.
Cindy
Thought provoking post....
ReplyDeleteAt nearly 70, I’m thinking along these same lines. Time is precious and we have to decide where and with whom we want to spend this treasured time we have left.
Could you take on a couple of counseling patients? If your building has a meeting room you could reserve you wouldn't have to do it in your apartment. You could also reserve a room at the library.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog posts, Laura. It was not surprising to me to see that you earned a Master's in counseling psychology. I think taking things one day (one minute?) at a time is the best way to live. Of course, we must think about the future, but so much of what we plan, may never materialize. So relishing the moment is great. It's all we really have. I try very hard to find joy in the tiniest of things. It is hard to remain upbeat and positive in this particular moment in our country's history (for me, anyway), so I often have to shut off the television and close the computer. Anyway, Laura, thanks for all your visits and your blog posts, too. Susan
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